Gas Mark Six

Here’s something I wrote when I was asked to speak alongside Sheila Jeffreys, who was speaking about her book “Gender Hurts”, about how transgenderism harms women. In the end, I didn’t say all this, but for those of you who are interested, here it is..

 

“For the longest of time I told no-one. It is only in the past few years that I have found the words to describe my experience. Thank you, Sheila Jeffreys, and the Radical Feminist community of bloggers for the gift of words.

 

I used to have an online friend (also a partner of a man who thought he was a woman) who likened the experience of being partnered to a transgender to the frog who is put into the pot of water and the heat gradually turned up till cooked – a deliberate programme of de-sensitisation as each limit is compromised or ignored, and each line in the sand crossed by these men in their “journey”. Another woman once told me that “You give a tranny an inch, he will take a mile”…how true that turned out to be.

 

When I first met him, he spoke to me about what he called his “strong feminine side”. He confided in me that he was an occasional transvestite and that it had ruined a few relationships where girlfriends had inadvertently “found out”, or had rejected him when he told them. He told me he had a very low sex drive and instead preferred to just cuddle and kiss. That he felt more comfortable around women. He told me that he DIDN’T WANT TO BECOME A WOMAN, that he didn’t know where the urge to “dress” came from, other than a need to express what he felt were his “feminine feelings” and an attraction to pretty things. He told me he had been doing this since he was about 11 or 12….remember that detail.

I felt special that he would confide this in me.

 

It was only later that I realised that he considered those conversations as “GIRL TALK”. He likes “girl talk”.

 

I couldn’t really grasp those “feminine feelings” he spoke of, since I had never really experienced my sense of self in that way. I thought women who bought into it were un-informed – certainly none of my friends were like that. I hadn’t worn heels since I was a teenager. I never wore make up. I was a conscientious objector to the femininity game.

 

But I believed at the time that these guys are living proof that GENDER IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT. Men and women should be able to wear whatever they want, without the silly distinction of ”male clothes” or “female” clothes. To hell with gender norms….I thought it could be “edgy” and “alternative”.

 

 

Within a few weeks of him moving in, I realised that this was much, much more than just an occasional bout of self-expression for him. It was obsessive, and it had an ENORMOUS sexual component. Dressing episodes (which were at least three or four times a week) were invariably followed by “sex” (which consisted of me masturbating him by rubbing his tucked penis as he lay on his back squeezing his fake tits). On top of that, I often walked in on him masturbating. The mirror in my bedroom was moved to his side of the bed…

There wasn’t a time when he “dressed” and didn’t get an erection. Even after he started taking internet bought hormones. If anything, the thought that he was chemically transforming himself into “a woman”, held immense erotic charge for him.

 

He was a textbook autogynophile.

 

It transpired that he was also a “submissive” – a very common component of this particular paraphilia – and that nothing got him off more than being “forced” to be “a woman”. Of course “woman” meant submissive, passive, always “willing to please”…..He would work this into our “sex life” either overtly or covertly.

 

After a time, it was impossible to ignore that I was no more than a prop in this game. I could have been anyone really. I didn’t even have to exist. As significant as a gravy stain on the table. Many of the women I spoke to in what limited support groups I could find complained of the same thing. Not just the sex part, but the entire being invisible part, and a deafness to *OUR* needs, views, or opinions.

 

I discovered that he was an obsessive user of porn, particularly “shemale” porn, and BDSM fare. I had been very clear with him about my opinions on porn, and was sickened when he tried to get me to participate in looking at these men.

Time and again he would promise to stop, only to be discovered again. He would swing between crying and begging forgiveness and bold-facedly challenging me, saying it was ME that had a problem, that no-body else thought like me, ridiculing my objections and my politics, or telling me that I was paranoid, – even though the evidence was staring me right in the face.

 

He had no intention of stopping. A lot of his behaviours seemed compulsive, obsessive.

 

I discovered that he was using dating and sexual hook-up sites, saying that he was a full-time transsexual, going through the Real Life Test, willing to relocate anywhere for the right lady (of any gender – wink, wink). There was no end to his inventiveness when it came to lying about who he really is.

Using his smartphone, he created an online world for himself by inventing a fictitious life. I discovered that he had a secret Facebook profile, and scores of photographs of himself in varying degrees of undress– I am convinced that trannies invented that selfie – and that he had a coterie of dozens and dozens of young women between the ages of 17 and 24 who believed that he was a full-time transsexual, single, and struggling with finding a job in this cruel discriminatory society. He had a fictitious home life, fictitious job or non-job, a fictitious social life and fictitious friends. He even fabricated a “trans bashing” – this, I found particularly repulsive.

 

He loved sympathy and attention, and “validation” – even if it meant lying and manipulating to get it. The young women were so “Go girl!” and “Awww poor you”, toward him. Some of them called him “big sis” and took their problems to him. Otherwise it was giggly conversations about clothes and what colour to die their hair that week, musings about becoming a stripper or a fetish model, and complaining about getting “slut shamed”.

 

Oh yes, he liked his women faux feminist to match his faux existence.

 

I was outraged that he would be so bold-facedly lie to these young women and demanded that he STOP. He cried, saying , “But these are my frieeeends…”. Ignoring the fact who THEY thought was their friend is A WORK OF FICTION.

Then again, it’s not as if women are actually *real* to these men.

 

Of course he didn’t stop. It carried on as if I hadn’t said anything. Even the several times I asked him to leave were ignored.

He would just get up the next day as if nothing had been said.

 

I felt I was being driven insane.

 

My sense of self, and my belief that I was entitled to set limits or boundaries was gradually eroded as the TRANS STUFF came to dominate and shape every corner of my life. I never knew where or when the next assault to my psyche was going to come, and so I existed for a long time in a state of hyper vigilance. That is, until such time as my ability to dissociate kicked in.

I know from observing trans support groups that many of these men say, “My wife is fine with it – she just doesn’t want to talk about it or see it”.

Many women are surviving through disassociation.

 

Let’s not forget that a well-orchestrated and financed propaganda machine surrounds these men. It has the effect of silencing not just those of us who oppose on ideological principles, but all women who are within these relationships who question the idea that these men are ” women trapped inside men’s bodies “, or who’s lives have been ripped apart by these men.

I know from bitter experience of reaching out, that the primary concern is for the welfare of the trans partner, who must never be questioned as the most oppressed creature to walk this planet.

This is a double whammy to those women experiencing abuse, intensive gaslighting, and erasure of their right to name their reality and to set boundaries. Thee is no such thing as a line in the sand when it comes to trans desire. He gota have what he gotta have.

 

Even within mainstream services, support for female partners is tempered by the need to be sensitive to the needs of the transgender partner, and to avoid being seen as discriminatory. My doctor was happy to give me anti-depressants, but less happy to countenance the idea that what I was being put through was abuse.

 

Increasingly, statistics on DV within same sex partnerships count the trans partner as “female”. There is an invisiblising of male violence within these relationships, and women are suffering as a consequence. We are silenced. We are shamed. We are ereased.

 

A Scottish Government funded survey carried out by the Scottish Transgender Alliance (funded by the Scottish Government since 2007), is often cited as evidence of how very bad it is for trans women, who would appear to experience rates of abuse higher than actual women. Apparently a small, self-selecting sample is no barrier to credibility, nor is the fact that one of the crireria for abuse included “misgendering”. It is of no surprise to me that some women (partnered to a man for some years) might slip up occasionally and forget to call their Steven “Stephanie”, yet this is a heineous act of abuse – apparently. Yet there are no surveys I am aware of, of abuse perpetrated *by* trans “women in relationships. I find this a telling omission.

 

It often feels like no one want’s to hear the woman’s story.

 

For example, at one point (as a means to at least get him to LISTEN to my distress) I begged him to seek relationship counselling with me. Apart from the fact that he used the trips to the counsellor as an exciting opportunity to dress in public, and spent more time stressing about what to wear (sometimes even buying entire new outfits), than any time in self-reflection, the counsellor spent an inordinate amount of time focusing on MY inability to “accept” rather than on HIS behaviour .

 

In one session she grasped on to an incident of “misgendering” that had happened in her presence (I had said something like “Why can’t he understand?”). He had fled from the room in a dramatic tizzy of tears. She stated to me in a firm voice that she is prohibited from working with couples where there is domestic abuse. In other words, I was being accused of being an abuser. This almost drove me mad with pain and self-doubt …what if it really is me? Am *I* an abuser?

 

I can’t begin to describe the pain this caused me. I carried that comment with me for months.

 

I refused to go back. He was disappointed that his daylight trips outdoors with his repulsive “cleavage” showing were curtailed. However it did give him an excuse to now appropriate the identity of “abused woman”.    Sickening.

 

I was started to drop or loose female friends. I would be hesitant about going out with them or inviting them over: particularly with him around. He would laugh and giggle with them and I knew that in his head he was imagining he was having “GIRL TALK” with them, and the fact that *they didn’t know* that they were unwittingly playing a part in his fantasy life made me feel nauseous, and guilty, so I stopped meeting female friends with him around.

 

Then I pretty much stopped seeing female friends at all, since when I tried to go anywhere without him, (telling him that it was “women friends only ”), he would pout and huff and often cry, “It’s because I have a penis, isn’t it?”. When I was away from him he would text and phone me constantly. When I got in he was nasty to me.

 

I was growing afraid of him.

It was easier just to forget about having friends.

So my world became smaller and smaller as his “exploration of his feminine side” took up more and more space until there was little room left for anything else. It dominated every conversation and extended to physical space too. By the time he left, my clothes storage was down to half a drawer and a box under the window.

 

Even everyday purchases were fraught with meaning and reminders of my erasure. I remember having an argument in Superdrug over toothbrushes. There was only one pink toothbrush left, and I don’t know what came over me but I decided that fuck him, I am having the pink toothbrush. He “helpfully” pointed out the purple ones, and the blue ones that matched the bathroom. But no. I was having the pink one and I was going to win this tiny victory even if all the shop assistants were looking at me like I had lost my marbles.

 

We needed a phone. He said he would take care of it. That he had seen just what we needed. He came home with this….

 

shoe

 

I couldn’t bear to bring it up to my ear. My flesh crawled very time it rang.

 

I thought that perhaps if he had an outlet, the lies and stuff would stop. Lots of partners go through a similar “bargaining” phase. The gas under my pot was turned up to full.

So I agreed to escort him to a tranny club.

 

I secretly wanted to see if there would be other women there. I needed to find out if this behaviour is *normal* for trannies, and if there is anything that women had found that made their lives with these men more bearable.

 

He would be beside himself with excitement at going out “en-femme”. I could see his hard on starting from the moment he got out of his leisurely bubble bath (my bath’s were always rushed and fitted in around his dressing schedule). Getting ready was a ritual that took at least two hours. Of course, I was expected to “help”. I’m pretty sure now that he was working that into one of his fantasies he had running on loop in his head.

 

Often trips were abandoned due to some smudged nail polish, or similar “feminine disaster” that would have him stomping around in an agitated state sweating through his make-up, crying and shouting at me. Ordering me around like some demented potentate. Six foot trannies with chipped nail polish can be pretty scary, believe me.

The tranny club comprised of men, in very short, very tight “little black dresses” (had they co-ordinated this? I thought), high heels, a variety of wigs (probably two third of them, long and blonde) and a weird atmosphere I couldn’t quite put my finger on. There were other men there too (not in dresses). They sort of lurked, and leered, most of them not actually talking to the men in dresses, but often sending a drink over for one of them, followed by a raised glass and a wink from their corner – the men in dresses responding with a coquettish smile and a simpered “Thank you”. I found out later that most of the men in dresses were doing each other and calling themselves “lesbians”. I know this, because I found the photographs.

 

And they had a certain gleam I their eye…

Amy Bloom, in her article from 2002, Conservative Men in Conservative Dresses, wrote :

“The greatest difficulty people have with cross-dressers, I think, is that cross-dressers wear their fetish, and the gleam in their eyes, however muted by time or habit, the unmistakable presence of a lust being satisfied or a desire being fulfilled in that moment, in your presence, even by your presence, is unnerving.”

 

The penny finally dropped for me about what I was witnessing…

Another boundary being violated – the boundary that says “Don’t make me a part of you sexual kick, buddy”.

 

 

The experience of getting out in public seemed to turbo charge the tranny-ing at home.

 

Give an inch, take a mile.

 

When the kids weren’t around, his idea of relaxing at home was to potter about in a micro-mini and high heels, affecting a “sexy wiggle” and doing this weird thing with his hands and wrists when he spoke. I told him that women don’t go about dressed like they were about to nip down to a disco *all the time*.

He told me that he had seen “loads” of women that do, and that anyway, he liked the “council house tart” look.

I was always arguing with him about what women *actually* wore, and how sexist his stereotypes of women were, but he would insist that he was dressing like any other “girl” (despite the fact that he is a 47 year old man).

Other looks he liked were –

The “rock chic” look – think Cher in that video on the aircraft carrier. No jeans and band T shirt for this gal!

The “hooker” look – I’ll leave that to your imagination.

and

The “beauty counter girl” – Extra heavy make-up and an old lab coat worn over a bra, pants, suspender-belt and stockings ensemble. I caught him once, sneaking back into the house like that at 5 in the morning after a “constitutional”. Apparently he had been taking “constitutionals” for months , sneaking out while I was asleep. Trannies are expert ninjas as well as exhibitionists.

 

For all his faux “girly-ness”, the feminine side never extended to practical, everyday stuff that most adults have to do to get by – like helping with housework. He literally told me “I can’t do housework because I might break a nail – my long nails are important to me”.

 

Turned out he couldn’t carry heavy bags or lift heavy stuff either, cos he wanted his upper body muscles to wither away so he would be “more like a girl”. I told him lots of women have muscles. He told me that wasn’t “the kind of woman” he wanted to be. Of course not – how nice it must be to get to pick and choose.

 

He spent thousands and thousands of pounds on clothes, make-up, “beauty products”, laser hair removal and internet hormones. I still can’t see a television ad for make-up without an involuntary shiver down my spine.

He would go months without giving me any contribution to the home. Apparently he had “expenses”, and anyway, I wouldn’t have sex with him, so why should he?

 

The day came when he told me that he had “done an online test” and that he was “definitely a transsexual”. Self-diagnosis by internet is the tranny stock in trade. I was alarmed because I knew to the core of myself that these men are categorically not women. That I could never accept him as a woman. Like Sheila Jeffreys says, “woman is an honourific term”.

His story began to change in subtle ways – aided by his community of internet advisors. Now he said he had been dressing since three years old. He now had distinct memories of wishing he was a girl from around the age of five.

Many hundreds of pounds in laser hair removal and black market internet hormones later, and I was left struggling with a six foot, 14 stone hulking man with “breasts” , liable to incandescent rages one minute and tears the next. I was terrified. I began to hate him. No way was I going to wipe his arse if he had a stroke.

 

I was repulsed by him, his insulting attempts to emulate “femininity” and his freakish body. Being touched by him, even by accident, made my skin crawl.

 

I was disgusted at myself for allowing this to happen to me. I was drowning in shame. I was sinking fast.

 

I tried finding help online, but nobody wanted to acknowledge that these delusions are harmful. Rather, I was told * I* had to be educated, that *I* was “phobic”, that I should learn to embrace this. Women were telling me this as well as the trans borg.

 

Had feminism changed so much? What had happened to the idea of women being central to feminism? Why can’t women see that these are men???

I was told  that I was “homophobic” AS WELL AS “transphobic” because I refused to call myself a lesbian. WHAT?? He is a man!! What madness was this???

I went to the doctor and was given anti-depressants. Nobody wanted to hear about my problem with the trans. I was told that “she” must be suffering too.

 

I went to the LGBT centre and asked if they had a group for partners of transitioning males. The young man looked at me, puzzled, “Um, well we have a group for trans women and their friends and families…isn’t that enough?” he asked. I tried to explain why maybe it wasn’t a good idea for women who were struggling in their relationship with a male partner who was insisting he was now a woman for those women to be discussing their problems with their male partner in* the* same* fuckin* room*…..crickets. Eventually he said he would ask the tranny group what they thought. If they were OK with it, then they would “think about it”. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out their response…. More men telling women what they can and cannot do.

 

Women are often reluctant to talk about this. Whether from a sense of shame or embarrassment, or because we have seen the harassment and invasion that takes place against women who have spoken out publicly. Most commonly though, because we are GROOMED AND OBLIGATED TO CARE.

 

One of the saddest things for me, was that when I contacted the few women who I had met along the way (and who I knew to have been put through a variety of torments) to ask them if they would consent to an interview for Gender Hurts, they declined, stating that they didn’t want to be “disloyal”, or for [him] to find out that they had been talking to anyone outside of a tightly proscribed circle. Some didn’t want to risk being ejected from some of the only spaces they have to talk about this – compromised by male oversight though they may be.

 

It gets to be exhausting, pointless and depressing.

 

I know that for many, the greatest state of emergency will be what seems to be the almost unstoppable trend of lesbian women who are “transitioning”, and destroying their beautiful, healthy female bodies in the process – as well as erasing their lesbian herstory and identity.

 

I feel a deep sorrow for this state of affairs, and when I have read descriptions of what women put their bodies through, and the details of the surgeries that some go on to seek, my heart sinks at how self-hating, how female hating this is. It is misogyny written upon the bodies of women, and it is truly terrible.

 

The trend for “transgender children” is particularly horrifying and is evidence of how damaging the essentialist idea of “gender” that is promulgated by the Transgender cult is.

 

In speaking about my own experience, I hope that you understand that I don’t wish to minimise those states of emergency, and hope that what I have said will be taken in the context of how male privilege and entitlement in the guise of transgenderism, is driving a movement that has, and will continue to hurt all women as long as our voices are silent, and women remain unsupported to escape from these men, and to make sense of their oppression.

 

I believe that what women go through in these relationships is a form of emotional violence, and that work needs to be done to raise awareness among not just the wider public about what really goes on within many of these relationships, but also services that support survivors of male violence.

This is not “woman on woman” relationship abuse, and should not be treated or recorded as such. We should not be afraid to see this for what it is – male entitlement. Male violence.

 

No woman who is being abused needs to be told to have compassion for her abuser.

 

Women’s enforced compliance with male delusions, needs to recognised for what it is.

Misogyny.

Abuse.

Erasure.

I’m standing up and saying ENOUGH. “

 

 

155 thoughts on “Gas Mark Six

  1. Thank you for publicly writing about this because you are so right – what those men and their male collaborators meaning mens’ medical industry; mens’ political system and the male politicians swiftly passing legislation according those men fake credentials that they are supposedly female is reinforcing male sex right to say and do whatever they wish because men claiming they are female ensures one thing and that is reinforcement of men’s lies that ‘gender = sex and men can magically become female.

    Never in a 1000 years+ will any biological male be female.

    What this man and his fellow bros. are doing is psychological male violence against women; pandemic male hatred of women and lastly but equally importantly total erasure of biological women’s lived experiences. We real women aren’t mens’ ejaculatory fantasies but because the men continue to retain their socio-economic power whatever the men say is the supposed truth instead of mens’ sexualised fetishes about how they think women behave and act.

    So what about the innumerable women and their children who are being put through so much emotional/psychological blackmail because the male master believes he is a female and his ‘property’ (sic) are expected to collaborate with his misogynistic lies? Oh yes of course – women and children aren’t human are they because women and children only exist to bolster and support these arrogant profligate men.

    No counselling services or support services for these women and their children – no because funding must be used to reinforce those male delusions they can magically become female. So Emperor has no clothes isn’t relevant apparently because whatever men lie (say) is always mens’ truths!

    This is how male socio-economic power over women is maintained because it is all about massaging mens’ overblown egos and their pandemic lies.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. It is horrifying that therapists are accusing women of abuse for using the pronoun “he”. Well, psychology and psychiatry are disgustingly misogynistic fields and both are used to cover up and minimize men’s abuses of women by declaring women “crazy” for being traumatized, while at the same time declaring that insane men should be cared for and humoured.

    “He came home with this…”

    That part made me laugh! How ridiculous!

    Liked by 7 people

    • You are so right, cherryblossom. I had an acquaintance who could have easily served as the “therapist” in this essay. He thinks he is so liberal, so tolerant, always lecturing everyone else on how they should be, and he would side with the man in this situation in a second. Trans issues are the perfect touchstone for measuring someone’s understanding of patriarchy, misogyny, abuse, violence, and prejudice. When I sent this man some comments that had been made to radical feminists by MtTs, he was SO sympathetic with the writers of violent threats. I had to point out to him that the violent threats were directed toward actual women.

      Liked by 5 people

      • Your acquaintance is quite typical of liberal men. They act like they’re not misogynistic but they will revert back to the same old misogynistic behavior if a woman or group of women do something they don’t like.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for writing this. The connection between transgenderism and pornography/sexual debasement of women needs more attention and your post is a substantial contribution towards that conversation. I hope you find healing and happiness.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. A very good piece. I was commenting about this issue on a feminist blog and was astounded at how I was attacked for suggesting that having a space for women that didn’t include trans women was a good idea. The attack was so intense, I just quit even commenting at all.

    Liked by 8 people

    • Sadly, that response is all too common. The Queer agenda is misogynistic to it’s core. I suggest you read “Unpacking Queer Politics” by Sheila Jeffreys. . Don’t give up,
      we are fighting back.

      Liked by 6 people

      • Thank you so much! You have my full support. As a Dyke I have seen ALL our Lesbian institutions tattered and destriyed by the trans movement. I’ve seen handsome Butches being convinced “they must be men” to bolster up these mens ” femininity” since they think they can do woman better than all of us born female and especially those of defying straitjacketed feminine roles. These same men come into our Lesbian communities with all of their misogyny intact and think they will get us to kowtow to them and their “cotton ceiling” agenda like the way they intimidated and used their former wives and girlfriends. But some of us are not having
        it. We still are holding out at Michfest and many Lesbuans have been galvanized around the cotton ceiling phenomena..that is the MTFs meeting at a planned parenthood conference in a workshop to strategize how to get Lesbians to have sex with them…that is to break through the cotton ceiling of bio female Lesbians’ underwear…and for us Lesbians to get over our “Penisphobia” since many still retain penises. Well thats WHY we are Lesbian in the first place!!! As Lesbian singer Alix Dobkin says: “no penis between us friends!”
        In aby case the ONLY book I read that supported your position and told the storynof the wives and girlfriends ofcthese men was called Satyricon…and she talkef about their Tri Ess conferences and advice how to appear more feminine all the coaching and them stealing their wives clothes while NEVER helping out with the housework. The author called it the “maybelline version of womanhood”.
        Anyway you have allies here.
        -in Sisterhood,
        -FeistyAmazon

        Liked by 5 people

      • Thanks! Yes I have heard about the “cotton ceiling” thing. I have been part of radical feminist conversations for some time now. It was through seeking some kind of support that I discovered that there are still some sane women out there. This is my “coming out” blog, so to speak. I want other women to speak out about their experiences…I know they are out there.
        When men feel entitled and enabled (by LAW ) to come into women’s space – and even call themselves lesbians (!) – and this grows day by day, then it is our duty to speak out. I felt by “coming out” like this I could contribute to that struggle.
        I laugh when I am told that I need to “get an education” about trans issues, when I *lived up close and personal* with it, and have probably read more of their bollocks than was healthy for me.
        When I see their “activists” wishing women dead, when I see their “respected leaders” *demanding* of publishers that they get to “approve” the writing of feminists like Sheila Jeffreys, then I had to stand up and be counted. And be willing to open that door for other women to step forward.
        I’m hoping those women are reading this now. If you are, please comment. I won’t publish your comment unless you want me too. I just want you to know you are not alone, and that you can recover. You *can* make a difference for women.

        Liked by 6 people

    • The white-hot rage with which transgender activists attack women who speak out is what led me to radical feminism. This is the face of the patriarchy, slathered in makeup and wearing a dress.

      Liked by 8 people

  5. I am so sorry to read what you have gone through, and I can only hope you have tossed this man and his fetishistic paraphernalia out the door!

    Like

    • He is gone. Finally I am able to breathe. I’m devoting the rest of my life to women. If I can show women that it is possible to live after this, and do anything I can to aid our liberation – particularly by combatting the gender cult – then those years won’t have been wasted.

      Liked by 14 people

  6. i am angry. and getting angrier. thank you sister for speaking this truth. there are more women waking up every day. i am proud to stand with you and celebrate your voice. i love you and wish you all the best in your new life. (hugs)

    Liked by 5 people

  7. This is so important. Sharing on my new article: http://bevjoradicallesbian.wordpress.com/2014/07/22/please-if-you-love-lesbians-and-other-women-think-about-this/

    You got me to realize that when the very privileged and very male neighbor appeared on the street corner at midnight, twirling in his dress, that it wasn’t just coincidence, but that he had followed us to have an Lesbian audience (before he began appearing in our community.) I realize now we were expected to ooh and ahh over him, just as I and a friend were we he said he was being a “bad mother,” though he was the father of two kids. We just ignored him

    And that look you describe in your eyes is exactly the dead look I still can’t froget when I was 16 and a disgusting man came up to my car window to expose himself. It’s all a variation on the same theme. I don’t expect different from men. The real horror is the women who promote, protect, and defend these most male of men.

    Liked by 3 people

    • agreeing with you on the horror of realising other women – even women you considered friends- are being sucked into the delusion at our expense.- finding myself friendless while he sought, found and flaunted endless female validation and set about forming his fantasy ‘girl band’ didnt just compound the betrayal, it threw into question my own reality and did at least as much damage again to me and my daughters. (he is not their father – i must be grateful for that much at least) who also really struggled with this and had to endure my utter bewilderment and heartbreak. we were silenced… told to sit down and shut up and dont breathe a word while he had untold forums, blogs, secret facebook pages, public facebook pages, psychiatrists and doctors, validating and hanging on his every word. none of his feelings were wrong. just ours… i was truly appalled when i found out what he had been up to online, blogging to other men in panties about the lesbian affair he’d been having with me without my knowledge…and pennies started dropping about a drug rape incident long ago, when i was a teenager, a scenario in which his girlfriend at the time, while he was out, got me roofied and put me to bed in their bedroom.. the memory might be hazy, but there’s enough stand out stuff, which ive lived with and puzzled over all my life to make a bit more sense of it now he is out and proud… for one, it was a peculiar lesbian scenario. i woke up naked in their bed with her all over me. i lost consciousness… i got up to puke…. i dimly recall her going through a drawer full of lacy lingerie and telling me how he liked to be ‘made love to as if he were a woman’ … i lost consciousness …. when i woke up, i was alone in the house with him… i was so relieved and so grateful to him for rescuing me from the situation… even then he was gaslighting me and had everyone around him at it too…… i have good reason to believe this may have been filmed…. we are still paying the price. still silenced, still ignored. his ultimate method of silencing me was to spread gossip, tell people i was ‘not well’ and ‘suicidal’ and have me dragged out of my own home to a psychiatric unit for ‘evaluation’ – i was let out after 5 days, no one listened to me while i was in there, and 3 years later, no professional has listened yet. only you lot. i am so grateful for that… i was taken to an acute assessment unit for people in mental health crisis, a locked ward, where i was filmed by channel 4 in terrible distress begging to be allowed to go home while i was restrained by staff… without my consent or knowledge and broadcast as the opening scene in the crisis episode of bedlam. they got a bafta. i got a hell of a shock, lost my job and got a 16 week esa delay…id been a member of staff and trained at the same trust and was horrified to discover the disregard…again… for my confidentiality and consent meanwhile, he continued to get maximum rate DLA to pay for his wigs and make up, free nhs treatment and people falling over themselves to be his freind while calling me terf and transphobic, needing to be forcibly re educated about my own fucking relationship… ffs…! .., (he continues to get max rate DLA, ESA, free housing and travel, even though all of his ‘disabilities’ disappeared along with him, and he often declared how well and happy he was now he could wear wigs, rubber tits and pantyhose in public… and so the psychiatric profession, the endocrinologists, the surgeons, the online trans community continue to serve male interests while ignoring the actual problems of actual women…. anyway.. he used that to discredit me – sometimes, the band drives past me in the street and have a good old jeer…

      Like

  8. Thank you for writing this. I am appalled that *you* were accused of abuse for calling this p0rnsick man ‘he’, whilst his very real abuse of you went unchecked. I am so glad you are now away from him and sorry you had to go through what you did.

    In sisterhood xx

    Liked by 7 people

  9. Thank you for this very informative article. I am disgusted that the Scottish govt is funding a group whose practice is so harmful to women and children. I saw on your twitter an exchange with someone claiming not to be a man. It disturbed me because they seemed to be trying to bully you. I hope I am wrong and he is no longer in your life.

    Like

    • Being bullied by men who think they are women is a common experience for women who know biology is real and who dare to speak the truth. Thankyou for your concern. My torturer is no longer in my life I am very glad to say.

      Liked by 7 people

  10. This is my second read of this post, and my mind still boggles at the abuse you experienced from your partner and those institutions in society that are supposed to be there for your support and protection. I cannot imagine how isolated you must have felt. I’m glad to see you’re out of that situation and have turned your experiences into action- so necessary and brave. Your sisters stand shoulder to shoulder with you and send loving and healing thoughts.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you. Please know that my story is not unique. I want everyone who reads this to remember this the next time they read one if those “heartwarming” stories of one of these men’s “journey” to their “true self” that seem to appear in the media with increasing frequency. Know that these stories are part of the propaganda that seeks to normalise this behavior and in doing so, erease female experience and our right to name ourselves and our oppression.

      Liked by 7 people

  11. Naefearty, I am so glad that you found the strength to leave. Bless you, and may you have a long full life ahead of you which turns this into an episode, not a life.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you for sharing these experiences with us. Thank you for saving your sanity and getting out of that horrible situation. Thank you for loving women.
    In sisterhood xx

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sorry to go back to it, but that phone! Where in a million years did he get the notion that a woman would buy a thing like that??! It’s true what Bev Jo says: these are the malest of the male, the most abusive freaks out there. That phone is for a man, a bachelor in fact. A man living alone.

    Liked by 5 people

  14. Earlier today, I read Gender Hurts from cover to cover. I was moved by the facts that you shared with Jeffreys. What a privilege to be able to read your story in detail this evening. Thank you for standing up and sharing it. Please know that you are making a difference. Your words and the words of brave women like gallus mag are helping women WAKE UP to the mockery called third wave feminism, where individual “choice” is privileged over the real and worsening struggles of our class, and where the very idea of womanhood has been perverted into the cheapest, coarsest fantasies of white, middle aged males.

    Liked by 5 people

  15. Would like to join the others here in thanking you for writing so in depth about the abuse you suffered from an autogynephile. This treatment is commonplace for the female partners of male transitioners yet it is not given nearly enough focus. This is probably because we live in a patriarchal world where any selfish whim of a man is sacred and any hardship a woman must bear to satisfy a man is her womanly duty. Its utterly enraging that this attitude extends to even many supposed feminist communities.

    The way you described his fake online life was very disturbing. The internet is very important to many of these dudes. It really makes you wonder whats really going on behind all these high-profile accounts of online trans activist. I can take a stab and guess its a lot of abused people in their wake and fantasy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks. And of course you are right – patriarchy prioritises male whims at the expense of female reality.
      You make an important point about the internet. Nowadays, unless I can see them in person, I automatically assume that most of these online transactivists are just creepy, misogynistic fantasists who don’t even leave their hovels.

      Liked by 2 people

  16. My heart goes out to you. You truly have the patience of a saint to put up with that. Thank you for sharing.

    I wonder how he reacted when you left (or made him leave), and what do you think he would say if he read this?

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    • It wasn’t patience. I was broken. I lived with a constant white noise in my head and a heart that had sank to the pit of my stomach. I was alive but not living. I was honestly just waiting to die. I told him many, many times to leave. He ignored me. He lived in my house and pretended nothing was wrong. I am not exaggerating when I say I nearly lost my mind.
      For years, we barely spoke other than to mention practicalities. I refused to open myself to him emotionally. I wouldn’t touch him. Yet still he stayed. Probably because he had a roof over his head and somewhere to dress up and store his mountain of clothes.
      I lived in shame. I was afraid he would do something to “expose” my previous complicity. It’s very complicated and I’m still processing it now.
      As for what he would say if he read this…my guess is that he would say that I am lying. That somehow HE is the victim. That’s what narcissistic abusers do, isn’t it?

      Liked by 4 people

    • Oh and when he finally did leave, I suspect it was because he knew that something had changed in me. Thanks to some wonderful, amazing women in my life. I was no longer a blank space he could ignore. My feminist sisters had my back. If they are reading this (you know who you are), THANKYOU.

      Liked by 6 people

    • It’s a Scots language expression. As in “She’s nae fearty” – She’s not a fearful person.
      I was afraid to speak for so long. Then I found my voice. I hope that by knowing they are not alone, and by speaking the unspeakable, other women can find their voice too.

      Liked by 7 people

      • you have helped me realise im not insane. thats really big… a massive thing for women like us…. just knowing we’re not alone, and we arent mad, or hateful, or stupid,, im a single mum. ive got two little girls depending on me to get through this. thank you so much. i know who the real brave women are, and they arent called bruce or frank.

        Like

  17. Reblogged this on FeistyAmazon and commented:
    Wow!!! This article this woman lays on how it is as she sees her husband eroticize and make the change as an autogynophile. Its all about him. These same men then come into.the Lesbian community and try to make us kowtow like he did to his wife. Th lying, the hyperfemininity, the shaming if we dont want to deal with them and their innate maleness ect ect ect..their MANipulativeness..and destruction of all our Lesbian institutions and spaces!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Wow! Must echo my fellow Sisters in saying how empowering and yet eye openingly sad your story was. I am so glad though that you chose to get in touch with your feminine energy and share your female gaze. That really does take strength. Some women can have all the support and common sense tossed into their lap and they will still deny it out of fear of loving self and out of fear of the backlash from the patriarchy [men and their handmaidens].
    It truly is a day to rejoice when you come across another Sister who understands and sees the harm and complete danger in phallic worshiping that the patriarchy steeps us in!
    I wish you peace, a complete healing and love in your life! Speak on Sister!

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Sigh..much of what you say is excatly how my ex was…gosh..it’s uncanny. I will have to read all this properly and spend some more time checking stuff out. I have had to put it out of my mind to carry on with my life, however the time has come i think to look at this now objectively. I shall return to this later. Thank you very much for your stories and this opportunity. I just don’t want to get all angry and upset all over again is you can understand that.

    Liked by 4 people

  20. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I’m divorcing my mtf trans husband and it is CRAZY how many people are blindly supporting his choices despite reality. It seems to be “cool” or hip to support trans people now and the truth is my husband is completely self obsessed and focused only on make up, clothing and vapid “girly” things. Its an affront to me as a woman and as a feminist to see him pick and chose what makes a woman…and horrifying to see him pass that mindset onto my little girl. Please keep writing, we need woman to speak up!!!

    Liked by 7 people

    • Oh and the “vapid” stuff…. how well I know that.
      I once said to my torturer that if he was choosing to be a woman, why the fck did he choose to be a total airhead? He replied that he “liked being a bimbo”. WTF?

      Liked by 4 people

    • What you describe is exactly how my ex was also btw…and how some people support him as it does seem to be hip now to support trans people. And he was completely obsessed with those things also. And now has had an orchieotomy, electrolysis, who knows what else he has planned. he uses some breast enhancement cream and so on…and the loving way he puts it on (cos he did a video of it)…makes me shudder.

      Liked by 4 people

  21. yes..my ex believes that being a ‘woman’ is being all ‘frilly’ also. It is demeaning and so sexist! So I can understand where some people who talk about transgenders say that they bought into this whole gender thing and believe that ‘women’ are the ‘privileged’ gender. And I see you used the ‘F’ word. feminist! Did your ex Laura and your Torturer naefearty hate feminists? Mine did.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Mine liked the kind of feminists who think that men can be women, and who don’t hate porn. The hairy man – haters like me, not so much.
      I started going to a feminist book group ( it was my escape route because I knew he hated reading, so wouldn’t demand to come) he would refer to the friends I made as my “feminist pals”, said with a sneer.
      Although he did scoff at me once (shortly before he finally left) saying, “Pfft. What do YOU know about feminism? *I* know more than YOU”. OH HOW I LAUGHED.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mine had an unnatural interest in the lesbians in our social circle… i thought it was him being inclusive! he had a girl kicked out of the group because she was ‘sexually harassing’ another lesbian – she wasnt, they were flirting.. turned out he was just obsessed with the other girl, and had a fit of jealousy.. the lengths this man went to gaslight not just me but everyone around him to behave according to his internal sexual agenda, beggars belief… and people put up with anything if you belong to a really trendy set, they are terrified theyll be the next ones out.

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      • Yes! Once you start realising how much of their interactions are geared toward serruptitiously manouvering situations in order to fulfil their inner fantasies it really is quite mind blowing. I am still uncovering or remembering stuff that makes sense to me only now. Everything I thought was “real” was actually carefully constructed. I see it particularly clearly now he is with a new woman, and see her going through exactly the same processes of manipulation as I went through. The same fantasies being played out. My role as unsuspecting actor in his fantasy being revisited this time with her in that role. We are not real to these men. Just bit players in the porn film on loop in their head.

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  22. And you know something that really pisses me off…I’ve been thinking…they just want all the things they see as being positive about being a woman, (in their eyes) being attractive, dressing up, feeling sexy, being favoured becasue you are a ‘woman’, doing just what one likes…but without any of the negatives like menstruation, childbirth, being discriminated ‘against’..unequal pay, being seen as neurotic, unstable etc

    Liked by 2 people

    • ..violence, murder, rape, dying or being maimed in childbirth, abortion, FGM, forced marriage, sex trafficking, porn, prostitution, free reproductive labour and free childrearing while bearing 100% responsibility for birth control, disability or death from complications of birth control, abortion or pregnancy… all the way down to brazilian waxes and vaginal rejuvenation surgery.

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  23. Dang the phone went so i quickly posted! And I don’t see an edit button so i will just have to make another post! The more i think about it the more sickened I feel. I believe it is definitely a mental disorder. I don’t think they should be pandered to and allowed to transition. What exactly is the purpose? So they can feel like the person or gender they say they were boprn into? Well some woman ARE born with masculine inclinations just as some men are born with more feminine inclinations, traits or whatever. but to change oneself ‘physically’ to match the gender they feel that society dictates they ‘are more like’..is just buying into the whole thing and making it accelerate. becasue they identify totally with a gender role that is totally dicataed to by society. the whole ‘girly’ thing or the whole ‘masculine’ thing (for F2M). It’s crap. And I hate to say it but in a way it seems like a bit of a cop-out as well. I want to be a woman so i can be pandered and don’t have to be a ‘provider’ and so on…my life now is consumed with transitioning and fighting for transgenders rights… well..that’s my feelings on it right now.

    Liked by 4 people

      • Thanks :-). I’m looking forward to your post about selfies and vids btw! What IS with that?! It’s the whole sexual thing isn’t it. they are just obsessed..with themselves! And then deny it vehemenously! Oh yes and of course he/she/it would like the type of feminists who think that men can become women! It’s the radical feminists and ones they say are TERFS I am talking about. It’s yet ‘another’ new term…God I get sick of them. Like my ex has just commented on his Facebbok he has a healthy mind nd body now that Facebook has decided to include ‘cisfemale’ in their gender category (or some such thing). I don’t know if it’s true orr not. Anyway i emailed him that he has the ‘least’ healthy mind of anybody I can think of and who does he think he is kidding and as for a healthy body..doesn’t that include being able to have a healthy sexual relationship with someone other tha oneself and in that case he fails miserably! i have yet to hear back. lately he responds via his TraNZgenmder facebook account and refers to me as his *stalker* Lol…perhaps I should write a book?!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Perhaps you should! I think a compilation of partners’ stories would be most enlightening.
        I used to be on a few forums that proport to offer “support” to females who are unfortunate enough to be parasitised by one of these men. Some of those women’s stories would make anyone cry (or at least rage!). Lol@”stalker”…my torturer told his female fans that I was his “jealous girlfriend”. Interesting, isn’t it how their lies include painting themselves as the innocent victim? Painting us as “mad” or “jealous”, so that no one will believe us. It is classic abuser technique.
        Of course the world (thanks to their powerful lobbyists and propagandaists, and a willingness to believe the “female brain” nonsense) sees them as the underdog. So people are inclined to believe *their* version, and see women who dare to say, “NO” as nasty, mean spirited bigots who are hurting the poor widdle trans “women” feelings. Or told that we have “blood on our hands”….. Oh how terrible to hurt a man’s feelings! Women are not allowed to say no. The more we say no, the more we are hated. The more we say no, the more energy is put into silencing and threatening us. And that doesn’t just apply to the trans issue either. Like I said, it is all connected.

        Liked by 2 people

    • we know its not a physiological disorder…. so what else is left? mentalists. thats what. without being mental, what possible justification medically would there be left for treatment? if there’s nothing physically wrong, and nothing mentally wrong, then its just a cosmetic procedure..you dont get those free on the NHS do you…? and while we’re on the subject, do you know of any other mental disorders treated by the surgical and medical destruction of healthy functional bodies?
      i have the horrors when anyone refers to a mans inverted leftovers as a vagina. im a woman, and a qualified midwife. i know anatomy. and sure as hell no surgeon on earth can create one out of leftover scrote.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. I was married to a closeted trans something many years ago, and the abuse involved with this situation is absolutely unbelievable. Everywhere I went for help implied that I was making mountains out of molehills – this was just “clothing choices”! How could I be so shallow? Couldn’t I see how much PAIN he was in? Was I really going to destroy my family, take my pre-school kids away from their dad…over a few scraps of fabric?
    I am so glad that you are writing about this! The isolation, manipulation, guilt, escalation, gaslighting, non-sense of it all is incredibly damaging. The propaganda and political correctness are hurting those women who are caught up in this…they look for help and are met with further abuse. It just has to stop.
    Abby58

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much, Abby. I am so sorry to hear you have suffered also.
      It is so important that we start to speak out about this and not let ourselves be guilt-tripped or shamed into silence.
      Women and children are being damaged because of the gender cult.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Your description of your experience sounds very similar to mine. In fact wherever I went to for help ended up turning it around and implying the problem was with me and that I was just being malicious etc etc. I’m still recovering. It is very demagaing. But do not let it define you. You are better than that. I also am very glad that nefearty has started this blog. It’s good to know that others have had similar experiences.

      Liked by 2 people

  25. I have often wondered why more women do not speak out about their experiences with trans people. I think, after much research, that they are intimidated and bullied into keeping quiet.
    Not only by their partners, but by the support sites that they often go to for help. In TransWorld, only the weak, shallow, immature, selfish, unloving and emotionally insecure wives cannot handle this little clothing quirk. And, as long as we keep up the simplistic and sugar-coated fiction that they “don’t really know why they are driven to dress up in lingerie” and the carefully cultivated idea that just a very few do this for an occasional sexual kick, the wives that struggle with this feel ashamed and guilty that they are not jumping for joy at the thought of “growing closer” to this gentle, sensitive, and noble person who has suffered in silence for all those years.
    In the meantime, the “babysteps” keep piling up as their husband’s sexual desires get more and more out of control. A heterosexual woman who married a man now finds herself living with a man who is shaving everything, wearing lacy lingerie and tiny skirts, tucking his penis between his legs, and “making love as a woman”…if he is active in the bedroom at all anymore, as his fantasies take over. Any objections are dismissed as ridiculous, a product of her over-active imagination, her social prejudices. The escalation continues.
    The wife’s support system consists of her poor, persecuted husband and the falsely sympathetic ears of the “gender therapist” or the “support forums” that are wildly skewed in favor of the trans person. “Open and honest communication” with the very person who has denied and manipulated for years is always the prescription. The stakes are so high, often involving kids and finances, that many women stay beyond their tolerance levels, living in depression and confusion until their health gives out, removing any hope of escape. The wives that do manage to eventually crawl out of this mess are so beaten down and gaslighted that they are traumatized and silent. And still, they blame themselves, because the propaganda is so effective.
    This is abuse, and I refuse to stay quiet about it while other women are suffering. It’s just wrong.
    Please continue to write. The intimidation has got to stop.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Abby, thank you from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful post. You have described exactly the arc of experience for a woman who becomes entangled with one of these men.
      I will keep writing – as I hope all of you who have experienced this will. It is actually harder than I thought it would be. I hope it makes a difference.

      Liked by 2 people

  26. Well I’ve just had my eyes opened a little further.
    When I was 21, I lived with a pre-op MTF. He was gay when we met, but ‘went straight’ for me. He didn’t bring the trans issue up immediately, but it soon became clear. I went along with it – at the time I thought it was OK, you accept people as they are, right? What harm could it do?
    I’ll tell you what harm it did. The man was a violent misogynist. This is the man who once dropped a vacuum cleaner on his own mother’s head from a balcony, after she’d just had an aneurysm. This is the man who used to grab me by the throat and push me up against walls, choking me until I said what he wanted me to. This is the man who used to throw things at me in clubs. This is the man who, whenever I disagreed with him, called me ‘irrational’ – he was the poster boy for gaslighting. From little things like ‘Why don’t you smile any more? I wanted a nice, happy-go-lucky girl’ to the times when I tried to defend myself and he said *I* was the violent one. He eventually left me for my best friend who lived across the road. But the anger and violent acts didn’t stop whilst I was trying to find somewhere to move out to. He once threw the dirty cat litter all over my bed. I barricaded the door so he couldn’t get back in – clear proof, in his eyes, that my ‘irrationality’ had reached its zenith.
    Back to the trans issue – I’d never heard the term autogynophilia before yesterday, but it makes sense to me. He never failed to get an erection when wearing skimpy knickers, or bras, or make-up. I always found it strange that someone who wanted to be a woman was sexually aroused by dressing up as his idea of one – how does that fit with a deep-seated identity crisis? I’m not *turned on* by the fact I have boobs. But now it’s clearer. One in four of us (I think?) is subjected to domestic violence and in my case, it was perpetrated by a trans man. A violent, misogynistic, manipulative trans man.
    I had a hard time recovering from it all. I believed, since he never actually hauled off and actually hit me, that it wasn’t *real* domestic violence. I couldn’t be a bona fide battered woman. But I was. He just hit me hardest where it hurt most but left no trace – in the mind and in the heart. He’s apparently had the full op now, after marrying and subsequently divorcing said (ex) best friend. He popped up on my Facebook a few years ago, and absolutely could not, would not understand why I didn’t want anything to do with him. He hasn’t changed and I told him so before I blocked him.
    Maybe he’s an exception, I doubt all trans folks are like him. But reading these stories here, I know I’m not alone. So thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank YOU. You are definitely not alone. He is definitely not “an exception”.
      It also took me years to realise that this is a specific form of male violence perpetuated on the women these men choose to “partner” with.
      I too was pinned down with his hands around my throat. I too had things thrown at me. And all for telling him that he is a man.
      Thankyou for your honesty and courage in speaking out.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Jen, while not all autogynephiles are as violent as you describe, there is a VERY high comorbitity with other paraphilias, most especially sado-masochism. It sounds like you got the trifecta, autogynephilic, sadistic, and narcissistic. Please protect yourself from this predator… and yes, you were being subjected to domestic violence and abuse. I’m glad that you are a survivor and hope that you will prosper going forward. –Kay

      Like

  27. I…I don’t know what to say.
    You want to be a “strong, independant woman” ?
    Then please become one.

    Force ?
    You’re afraid of someone with the behaviour of a 5 years old girl, who litterally runs away crying when you take away an S in a word. What is she gonna do, poison you with her tears, disintegrate you with her wailings cries ? You claim to be a feminist, someone who wants to prove women are just as good as men, yet you won’t stand up to one.

    Freedom ?
    It takes an incredible level of submissive-ness to stay in a relationship where you don’t even give your S-O the credit of knowing who they are. Only animals, objects can be caged with something that cannot stop them, and not even metaphorically do I see iron bars preventing you from getting out of this relationship. To be honest I don’t even understand how you got in it in the first place, let alone have children, as you seemed to imply.

    Independance ?
    You can’t even mind your own business. You’re brainwashed to a stupid level : Trans-women ( FtM to be precise ) are soooooooo poor fragile things who hate their own sex so much they want to change it. Okay let’s admit it, let’s say this is true.
    Then, trans-men are opressors who are so inherently superior they want to become a wo-oh wait no that doesn’t work, my bad. This lacks any form of logic. I’m sure you support LGBT, and LGBT supports trans-people, and trans-people are part of it. If you didn’t oppose them so much I’m sure they wouldn’t give that hate back.

    All in all I think you should be traited for paranoia. What you got was someone you met online who happened to go through an “identity crisis”, nothing else. What you made of it was a “tormentor” who supposedly had all power on you.
    You brought this upon you, and nobody should have sympathy for what ammounts to self-scarification.
    In all honesty I quite don’t even believe your story, not since you implied having kids with him/her. I think you invented it to justify your otherwise un-reasonned hate.

    From : A 19 YO heterosexual woman from France in third year of a mathematics degree, a so-called all-man field ( We’re around 33% women ) and yeah, you read right, I am the youngest of my promotion and far from the worst ( We were around 150, we’re now around 30 ).
    You want equality, don’t cry for it, don’t theorize it, TAKE IT.

    PS : I came to notice nobody was actually disagreeing with you. Will my comment “disappear”, or am I simply the only person coming on this sectarian website without agreeing with it ?

    Like

    • I’m not making this comment “dissappear”. I’m leaving it here to illustrate the utter SHIT I had to put up with from the cheerleaders for so long. Thankyou. You have done an exemplary job of illustrating how the sick cult of Transgenderism has twisted the heads of some young women till they can no longer see the woods for the trees.

      You don’t believe me? I don’t give a shit. I don’t need you to believe me.

      (For the record (not that it’s any of your business) my children are NOT his children.)

      You are 19. You have a lot to learn. I suggest you start by getting your head out of your arse and start paying attention to, and prioritising females. The men in dresses don’t give a fuck about you.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Good reply, naefearty. What I love about young people — never had my own children, had exchange students and a foster daughter — is that they think you were born yesterday while at the same time believing you are over the hill. Which is it, dears, I used to ask. At least at 19 I didn’t think I understood and knew everything there was to know ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPERIENCES.

        And it was quite clear from your original post that your children were yours from a previous relationship. So much for Yukie’s reading ability. Dost methink that Yukie is a 45-plus-year-old male?

        Liked by 2 people

      • Why should they ? I don’t expect random people to take care of me.
        There’s no cult of transgenderism by the way, just a load of people who will not accept others get mistreated for being different. I don’t see how a man dressing as a woman ( As if we hadn’t seen more ridiculous ), wanting to be adressed as a female ( This isn’t an effort you have to make, it is just switching nouns ), maybe accessing the same women-only spaces as me ( Since lesbians can access it, I can hardly see how a transexual can be a problem ) can potentially harm me.
        The whole point of your story is you got in her way and suffered for it. T Y doesn’t contradict that, in fact she says exactly it is those who oppose them who suffer. It has always been that way. Black Panthers weren’t nice and sweet protesters and revolutions have always been bloody ( As recent history attests ). If you had opposed christians ( Your friends, I guess, from Pussy Riot, got beaten when they interrupted a christian manifestation in France ) muslims, it would have ended the same ( In France, there were riots because policemen wanted to see a “hard-muslim” woman’s face ). I’m not saying any of this is right, but it is neither surprising nor exceptionnal.
        My question is : Suppose for a split second you don’t care. What would make you care ? What forces you to right what you call a wrong ?

        PS : If you want to be taken seriously, start speaking in the name of Humanity, not women. You’re against “man dominance”, that is true, but you are their polar opposite : You sound a lot like what you want is for them to take your place as the so-called “oppressed sex”, not equality.

        Like

    • And your ” Trans-women are sooooo poor fragile creatures” comment actually made me (and I’m sure others reading it) laugh out loud.
      Are you a comedian by any chance?
      Or maybe just an idiot troll.
      Or maybe a creepy ass tranny?

      Maybe I just dont believe YOU.

      Liked by 2 people

    • you are the only person demonstrating your complete ignorance… in that sense, yes, you are alone here. you have a lot of learning to do at 19….. unless you are actually a middle aged white man in panties?

      Like

  28. Yukie – I’m not sure you understand what domestic violence and emotional abuse is like. It is rarely, if ever, as simple as ‘just leave him’. What are they going to do?, you asked. The answer is just about any damn thing they want. In my case, when I ‘stood up to him’, as you put it, he simply choked me harder or made my life even more hellish. There are hundreds of thousands of ways people like these get into and mess with your head, putting you into a position where you cannot think or walk straight, let alone gather the strength and resources to break up a family or relationship and seek a way out. For those who do, sharing their stories with others with similar experiences can be a way of healing, of finding and feeling their way back. I’m frankly a bit disturbed by your apparent lack of empathy.

    But the main thing is – nobody ‘brings it on themselves’. Nobody. Ever. This is classic victim-blaming.

    From: a 34 year old married woman with a post-grad qualification who runs her own business.

    Liked by 4 people

  29. I write as someone who was previously heavily involved with “the other side” of situations similar to the one described above.
    I was a senior member of “staff” on a prominent transgender support website (considered by many to be the largest on the internet). There I provided online support to transgender individuals.
    Sad to say, I can confirm that Naefearty’s experiences are not isolated or rare. It reads like one of the many stories of transitioning “M to F” people on the website. (albeit told from the transsexual/transgender person’s twisted perspective). The lies, manipulation (often through threats of suicide), histrionics and rapid escalation of misogynistic behaviour, threats (and acts) of violence were the norm.
    Having received death threats of my own, I have (unsurprisingly) long since left said website.
    What I learned from that experience was that transgender and transsexual individuals will NEVER listen to reason. They will insist on their own warped narrative until the bitter end. They will absolutely destroy anyone who gets in the way of their access to women-only spaces and “acceptance” as a woman. The victims they leave in their wake include friends, family, children and, above all in the case of “M to F” transsexuals, biological females.
    They will do everything in their power to silence contrary opinion or critical questioning both online and in real life.
    M to F Transsexualism is abusive Misogyny. Period.

    Liked by 4 people

  30. Did anyone get this part of Yukie’s comment?

    “. . . maybe accessing the same women-only spaces as me ( Since lesbians can access it, I can hardly see how a transexual can be a problem ) can potentially harm me.”

    I have never had any problems sharing public restrooms with other WOMEN. Yukie — yukky is more like it — seems to think women are sexually assaultive just like men (this seems rather like a biological male’s thought to me — you know, “women rape, too”).

    You got in “her” way? What? Whoever this person is, it has obviously never been in a relationship unless it was getting its own way 100 percent. Hmmm, once again, sounds rather like a very entitled male.

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Not sure if that other post got to you?

    Yukie, women are not “as good as” men, and that is not the point of feminism at all. I frankly no longer see the vast majority of men as good at all anymore, and I do not want to lower myself to be their equal.

    My other post was along the lines of:

    Yukie=MRA. They all end their posts with a self-description that says they are a female in a male dominated field. It’s like they have a formula.

    Liked by 2 people

    • For those of you that thought that Yukie might be a male…. I think you may be right as well. There is a certain type of autogynephilic male who thinks that if they take on the persona of a woman in such texts, that they can then speak from that POV to disprove what women have to say… They will also attempt to troll other tranfolk in the same way, those that do no toe the party line, etc. I have a regular who creates various new personas. My husband and I call him “Larry”, as that was one of his early personas “pre-op” names…. we can always spot his “formula” when he writes. I’m betting “Yukie” will try again with another name?

      Liked by 1 person

  32. I did see a study that showed domestic violence rates for men who had transitioned remained at rates similar to cis men, while women who transitioned and were taking hormones had increased rates of domestic violence against their partners. Too sleepy to dig out the link but that study is out there…

    Liked by 3 people

  33. Thank you for sharing your story. I attended a transgender support group once looking for solidarity with other females suffering from externally imposed patriarchal gender norms. Needless to say, that was not the focus of the group! It was a bunch of dudes in high heels talking about their hormone treatments, surgeries, etc. I didn’t even get a word in. Having read this post I now shudder to think of all the partners of these narcissistic men, suffering in isolation from such abuse of which I saw only the smallest part, and

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Oops! …and I hope they are able to find you and each other, to know they aren’t crazy, abusive or selfish, and to escape, heal and move on to more satisfying lives and relationships which they actually and fully EXIST to another human being. I wish you the same.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I checked out your blog and found much I identify with.
      If you read the “About” page, you will see that I am a radical feminist. I am keeping this blog related to “the personal”, since I believe in the power of narratives in raising conciousness. Of course transgenderism is but one tentacle of patriarchy. But it’s one that I have stories about, stories that women must never speak. More than anything, I want more and more women to step away from shame and self blame and to tell their own stories, in their own way. And for them to be guided to full conciousness about what’s going on.
      Like all women, I have other stories of how patriarchy has bent and twisted my life and sense of self and the lives of all women. This stories in this blog are just part of the jigsaw. Of all the things I could
      write about, I decided that it had to be this. Because this is the least lit path. The stories (not just mine, but all women affected directly by such men) that remain hidden behind the statistics and newspaper articles and blogs about men’s “bravery”, and “courage”, and “journey” to becoming “women” while all around them women’s lives are laid to waste.
      Your blog post on codependancy/12 step programmes and the inherent victim blaming of the “positive psychology” behind them particularly struck a chord with me.
      Thanks again for commenting.

      Liked by 1 person

  35. Naefearty, I have lived this too. He’s been gone 5 months but drip feeding me that it’s me that has a problem. He wants to come back. Reading this gives me strength to keep him out . After 21 years and 3 kids together i too am broken right now. This is helping me heal. I get support from CDWives forum. I have only just in the last year begun to understand what this is. THANKYOU from my heart my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ThankYOU. Hope you continue to heal and find a way out of the madness that is transgenderism. He is gaslighting you. But I know you can see that. Once the scales fall from our eyes, there really is no going back there. Well done for standing strong..

      Liked by 1 person

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